Lady of the Pies
by happychaos
Summary: what would've happened if a plane full of girls had crashed ontp the island? This is a 'serious' fic and not silly, as the title implies!


Lady of the Pies  
  
A Parody of a Parody  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^hello hello! Opposite to what the title implies, the story is not a 'goofy' one. Rather it is a kind of attempt at a "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" story, to show how much different boys and girls are. This is what would've happened, in my opinion, if girls had landed on the island. I suppose they're British, but as I know no British slang, other than "brilliant" "keen" "noble" and, courtesy Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "shrubbery" they won't sound very English. My apologies for lack of research, but it's a fanfic and midterms are coming up! I hope you enjoy this, and please review, because it makes me so very, very happy! :P *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
  
"the fool who willingly provokes a woman has made himself another evil angel, and a hell to which all other torments are but mere pastimes"  
  
The fair headed girl stretched and shook herself, spraying the sand in her hair everywhere. Although she had taken off her sweater and trailed it now from one hand, her blue shirt stuck to her and her long hair clung in damp clumps to her neck. All around her was the long scar, caused by the plane and the jungle, oppressing and all too real. As if she didn't quite believe what she saw, she rubbed at her bright eyes.  
  
A voice came from the jungle. "Hey! Hey, wait!" A very short, plump girl crashed into the clearing. She had mouse colored hair stuck in two severely neat , large glasses, and was wearing all her clothes, despite the immense heat. "What happened? Have you seen any of the stewardesses?" she asked, sitting down and catching her breath. Without waiting for an answer, the short girl continued. "This is an island, I think.Is there anyone else here at all? Some of those other kids must've gotten out!" The fair haired girl shrugged nonchalantly. This fat kid was annoying her.  
  
"What's your name?" the short girl had a superior, grating kind of voice. "I'm Mildred." she tittered. "Rachel" she said shortly. "Rae."  
  
She lost interest instantly, and surveyed the surrounding area. There was a startling white beach and Elysian clear waters. She slipped off her shirt and skirt, and threw off her socks. She poised for a moment on a rock, and with the sun shining into her golden hair and warming her fair body, she looked not unlike an angel. Mildred sucked in her breath noisily, because the pre-adolescent grace was hauntingly lovely. But then the sun passed under a cloud and Rae dived, and the moment was lost.  
  
Sighing to herself, Mildred sat down at the edge of the edge of the sand and slowly removed her shoes and stockings. By the time she got to her skirt, Rae had not resurfaced. Mildred couldn't see her. Nothing but the too clear water, too dark out deeper, where Rae had been. Mildred grew fearful, and hopped nervously from foot to foot, her heavy flesh growing flush with nerves. "Rachel?" she asked timidly. No answer, not as if the girl could've heard her while underwater. "RACHEL?" she cries, voice trembling with hysteria.  
  
With a magnificent splash and gasp of air, Rae floundered to the surface. A grin, large and cat like was on her face. Mildred recoiled a little, and then, recalling her fear, scowled.  
  
"What were you playing at huh?" Rae merely looked bewildered. "I wasn't playing at anything- look what I've got!" she held out the conch, a precious, beautiful shell with perfect scrolls and curves. Mildred's eyes grew wide, and grasped at it. Rae turned away at first, cradling the shell against her own sleek body. But when she saw the hurt in Mildred's face; the indignant, righteous offense, she rolled her keen eyes and handed it over without quarrel.  
  
Mildred handled it lovingly, stroking it and admiring the pure white brightness. "You blow into it, like this," she pantomimed. "It will make a big sound, and maybe the others will come."  
  
Rae shrugged. "Why don't you, if you know how?" she was busy pulling her shirt back on. Mildred made a face. "I can't, I have asthma." Rae pulled a grimace herself. "Sucks to be you," she said, wringing water out of her hair. Mildred held out the conch, her tender feelings bruised again. Rae impatiently yanked it back and rolled her eyes towards the sky again, as if invoking divine assistance in dealing with this troublesome girl.  
  
She blew into, once, and the single note resounded over and over the island, waking the birds and causing them to fly out of their nests in a grand cloud of black wings and yellow beaks. Girls all over stirred, and listened, hardly daring to believe their ears. The note echoed a second time, and they all made their way towards the sound of the shell. 


End file.
